


once it's on the paper (we feel better)

by tofugumball



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Developing Relationship, Hopeful Ending, Light-Hearted, M/M, Marauders, Mutual Pining, Pining, general clownery, james knows whats up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-20 18:08:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21060944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tofugumball/pseuds/tofugumball
Summary: It’s only when the fog filling Platform 9 ¾ swallows up Remus’s retreating silhouette that Sirius realises something important.





	once it's on the paper (we feel better)

**Author's Note:**

> title from "Letters" from the musical Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812

It’s only when the fog filling Platform 9 ¾ swallows up Remus’s retreating silhouette that Sirius realises something important. The sudden impulse to run after Remus, grab both of his hands and never let go is unexpectedly strong, and Sirius stands frozen, unable to turn away.

Someone thumps him hard on the back, and James’s cheerful voice fills Sirius’s ears.

“Snap out of it, mate, my parents are waiting. I made Moony promise he’d come visit, so do try and stop pining.”

Sirius rolls his eyes; gives up on trying to catch a glimpse of Remus through the fog and lets himself be led over to where Mr and Mrs Potter are standing, all warm smiles and embraces for their two sons.

But the weird impulse is still tugging at his heart, and while James rambles on about some of the tamer pranks they’ve pulled this year to the resigned amusement of his parents, Sirius stares out of the window in silence.

He spends the car ride to the Potters’ house lost in thought.

***

He thinks about the absent-minded way Remus holds the hem of Sirius’ sleeve in two fingers and pulls slightly to get Sirius’s attention, pointing to an interesting passage in the book he’s reading. It catches Sirius by surprise every time, and every time it happens he feels as if they were breaking some unspoken rule.

He finds he doesn’t mind.

*

He thinks of his legs going numb as he sits next to Remus’s chair for hours at a time, cross-legged and bright-eyed. He leans against the armchair and tries to concentrate on bullshitting his way through his Divination homework, but ends up savouring the sensation of Moony’s fingers in his hair instead.

Neither of them pay any mind to the many remarks about lap dogs that James and Peter like to tease them with. And if Sirius feels that the jokes are closer to the truth than they suspect, well. That’s his business.

*

He thinks of the way Remus looks when he appears in the Great Hall at breakfast, all bleary-eyed and dishevelled. He recalls the way Remus’s face relaxes as he locates his friends and starts walking towards them, and the way his eyes soften when he smiles at Sirius for saving him a seat.

Sirius saves him a seat every day, and every day he feels a rush of warmth and pride as Remus sits down on the bench next to him, their thighs brushing under the table and their shoulders pressed together.

*

He remembers the way they seem to gravitate towards each other in every photograph, their shoulders pressed together even when they’re talking to different people.

It feels natural and Sirius never thinks twice about it, until he overhears Marlene comment on it one day.

She’s sitting with Evans, looking through the photographs Dorcas Meadowes took during their latest Gryffindor common room party. “These two are practically glued to each other in every photo,” she remarks. Evans must look puzzled, because Marlene specifies. “Remus and Sirius. It’s really obvious once you notice.”

Sirius is in an exceptionally good mood that evening. He says nothing when Remus asks him about it, just shrugs and presses his forehead into Remus’s shoulder.

Remus lets him keep it there.

*

He thinks of the knowing looks they share over breakfast whenever James frantically messes up his hair just before Lily Evans walks past them, her head held high.

Remus starts kicking Sirius under the table every time James embarrasses himself in front of Evans, claiming that it helps him “keep score”. Sirius sees right through his bullshit, of course, and it doesn’t take long for the kicks to escalate into full-blown kicking duels. They don’t stop even when James joins in and Peter yelps in complaint every time someone hits him (purely by accident, of course).

“Then put your legs up, coward,” James commands, his glasses sliding down his nose and his face red from the exertion, and that’s that.

Remus’s aim is surprisingly good, and Sirius wishes James would do something about this whole Evans business already, to spare Sirius’s constantly bruised calves if nothing else.

*

He thinks of the way he can’t help smiling as he watches Remus get drawn into another heated argument with James. And even when James starts shouting and Remus’s eyes turn icy, Sirius feels too lazy to try and resolve the conflict; he’s content to just sit on his bed and take note of the many techniques Moony has developed that allow him to keep his emotions in check, keep his face and body taut and motionless.

*

He remembers the late-night conversation with James, the two of them sitting on the cold stone floor, waiting for the Fat Lady to return to her frame and let them into the common room.

Sirius is in a bad mood; he didn’t really feel like sneaking out tonight, but James insisted, waking him up because he felt too restless.

“You’ve been distant lately,” James remarks out of nowhere, and Sirius is instantly annoyed, but he feels guilty, too. He hasn’t been spending enough time with James lately, too busy not letting Remus out of his sight. He’s not really sure why.

“I hope that means you’re finally growing some brains, yeah? He won’t wait for you forever.”

Sirius doesn’t feel like indulging James and his nonsense, so he just rolls his eyes and leans his head against the wall, cursing his stupid friend and the Fat Lady and whomever it was who decided all the floors in this stupid castle should be made out of stone.

*

He thinks of the many times he sat at Remus’s feet with his arm looped around Remus’s calves, resting his head against the armchair and listening to the sounds around him, snapping into focus every time Moony speaks up, but forcing his eyes to stay closed. It helps his thoughts stay quiet.

Remus likes when Sirius does that, more than he’d ever admit to anyone. Sirius knows because of the way Moony makes eye contact with him from across the common room, lifting his eyebrows in invitation; from the way Remus’s hand always sinks into Sirius’s tangled hair as soon as Sirius drops to the floor with a relaxed grin on his face.

***

It’s beginning to darken outside by the time Sirius resurfaces from his thoughts, vivid images of Remus’s smiling face giving place to dark blue curtains and cluttered walls of James’s bedroom. He knows – he’s pretty sure he knows – what his next move should be.

He glances at James, currently struggling with folding a shirt the way Remus taught them earlier this week, and feels a rush of courage warming his heart. He fishes out a quill and parchment out of the desk drawer and starts writing.

_Dearest Moony..._

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading <3
> 
> i'm on tumblr @queeratleast!


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